“Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother's Love“
-By Maureen Hawkins
This story has been told in many ways- most notably on Good Morning America, KUTV, and Fox and Friends. While we are grateful we've been able to share Gideon's miracle none of these interviews and stories shared our story as we thought it should've been told. Each story told took out most or all of our comments about God, Faith, Prayers, and the Lord which were the most important parts for us. Here is our story in my own words. Thank you for reading. -Rachel
Our older son was born at 35 weeks when my water broke prematurely. I found at later this was called pPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes). My doctor, at the time, said there was too much risk to trying to keep him inside at all so a few hours after my water broke I was induced then gave birth to a beautiful 4 lb 12 oz little boy. My doctor had no answers as to why my water broke and said it was probably a fluke since it was not accompanied by pre-term labor and there was nothing to indicate that the same thing would happen again. He is now an active and fun 6 year old.
Five years and 3 miscarriages later we were finally expecting a little boy! We were so excited and ready for a new member of our family. When we first found out we were pregnant we were optimistic, but didn’t want to get too attached since we had that worry in the back of our heads that this could be another miscarriage. I didn’t think I was ready to go through that kind of heartbreak again. When you have a miscarriage you feel like a part of your heart has been ripped out and it is not an easy thing to come to terms with. My three miscarriages were the three hardest days of my life. You go through so many different emotions- from joy to sorrow and everything in between. After waiting so long to add to your family you can’t help but get completely attached to this new little baby growing inside you, as you watch him in ultrasounds, listen to her little heart beat, pick out names, start buying baby clothes, tell all your family and friends, etc. You can’t help but fall in love with this little baby and start imagining how your life and your family will be different and blessed in just a few short months. Then, suddenly, you are being asked to push all that aside and move on. You hear that you should forget the precious little peanut that was almost yours. That you should buck up and get a grip- it was only a fetus anyway. You are also told that it isn’t a big deal and you should just “try again”, like this pregnancy was a fail and all you have to do is try harder until you succeed. The only problem with all this is that YOU CAN’T just forget that a piece of your heart is missing! I don’t care who makes guesses as to when your fetus is really “alive”- all three were alive to me. They moved, their hearts beat, and I was in love with each one. You have to allow yourself time to mourn, to grieve for your loss, to be comforted by friends and family, and to slowly pick up the pieces and come to terms with what you’ve gone through.
During one of my darkest days I heard something that touched me to the core. I was listening to a man speak who had tragically lost his wife and children. He told me about how dark he had been, but then he suddenly knew he had a choice... he could either choose to turn to the Lord or turn away from the Lord. I knew right then I had the same choice and I HAD to choose the Lord because without him I would be lost. The only way I could get through each
miscarriage was with the help of a loving and dear Father in Heaven. He was with me every day and He sent his Holy
Spirit to dwell in my heart and give me peace.
He gave me His son, Jesus Christ, to take away all my hurt, pain,
sorrow, grief, and heartache through His great Atonement. I still had to take time to be sad, but I
knew that ultimately I was in the Lord’s hands.
He would not forsake me, He had a plan for me and my family, and each
miscarriage was a trial and experience that drew me closer to Him than I’d ever
been. I had to lean on my Lord and trust
in Him with all my heart. Once I did
that I was given peace and comfort and I knew that I would be ok. Someday we
would be blessed with another child, but until then I could endure whatever
came my way- even three miscarriages- because the Lord was on my side and I
could do anything with His help!
Because I had
these experiences I feel that I was ready for the next trial of my faith that
was about to be sent my way. I had no
way of knowing what was coming, but looking back, I know that all I had been
through in my life had prepared me to deal with what was about to come.
My pregnancy was
relatively “ordinary” up until I went into the hospital. Of course we were concerned about
miscarriages so I had ultrasounds at 6 weeks and 10 weeks to hear the baby’s
heartbeat and make sure everything was doing ok. At 15 weeks we told our families, then after
our 20 week ultrasound- where we found out we’d be having another boy!- we
finally told our extended families and our friends. I get very sick when I’m pregnant and this
pregnancy wasn’t any better. I couldn’t
stand most foods and smells and had to force myself to eat. I had no energy and would fall asleep all the
time. We didn’t see Jeff much for two
months because he was so busy working and studying for the Utah State BAR. He would work all day and study all night,
with a one hour break to spend time with us and eat dinner with us. I couldn’t wait until my third trimester,
since he would be done with the BAR and we could do all sorts of fun things as
a family again as well as get ready for the baby. The third trimester is also when I felt the
best with my first son and it is also the time when you’ve passed the scary
stage if you happened to have your baby early.
Because I’d gone so early with my first I was determined to be
completely “ready” by 32 weeks. I
thought if I had his room ready, clothes out and sorted, baby blankets made,
hospital bag put together, etc. by 32 weeks that would be plenty of time even
if I did have a preemie again. 
Well, the day I turned 28 weeks my water broke. It also happened to be the second day of the BAR exam. An hour before Jeff was supposed to come home, I was walking to the park with my son and our dog when I felt a small rush. I thought, “This can’t be happening!” I was in such denial that I continued on to the park with my son and came home to start make banana bread. Well, as I was making bread I felt another rush and decided I better call the doctor. He told me to come in right away since they were closing soon. Leaving the half-finished banana bread on the counter I called my husband and told him to meet me at the doctor- he was driving home from taking the BAR which he had finished literally 30 minutes earlier. We met at the doctor’s office where we were told to go straight to the hospital. We dropped off our older son at Jeff’s brother’s house then I checked into Timpanogos Regional Hospital 40 minutes later. We were scared and trying to prepare ourselves for the worst. We had multiple doctors, nurses, and specialists talk to us and warn us of the risks and problems that we should expect if our baby was born that day or the next. When a baby is born at 28 weeks there are risks to baby’s survival, lungs, heart, brain, nervous system, etc. Since I had already lost so much water I was put on bed rest in the hospital, given steroids to help baby’s lungs grow, and more medicine to stop contractions that had already started. I was also given antibiotics to help prevent infection- the biggest worry. If there is an infection to Mother or baby it can lead to preterm labor or doctors will decide to deliver the baby since it is dangerous to keep him in. With Teancum- my water broke at 35 weeks and they induced me right away since they didn’t want to risk infection. Doctors told us that our baby would most likely be born within the next couple hours or days, but that the hope was we could hang on for 48 hours. After two long, scary, stressful days we were told that the longest we could hope for would be a week. And since I continued to lose a lot of water, and had hardly any left, if we lasted 10 days it would be a miracle. I spent the next 5 weeks in the hospital keeping that beautiful amazing little baby inside of me.
It was lonely
and scary being in that hospital room day after day. During the first week I
was feeling sad, pained, and lonely and was thinking about how hard it was to
suffer in a hospital bed day in and day out.
I pictured in my mind parents having to watch their children suffer in
hospital beds everyday and how those parents would do anything to take the
place of their children for them. I knew
I was being blessed by being given an opportunity to serve my little baby.
Every day I kept him inside me was worth 3 days he would’ve spent in the
NICU. I was being given the opportunity
to sit in a hospital bed so he didn’t have to.
When I thought about that I was willing to do anything and stay as long
as I could so my sweet baby wouldn’t have to.
All the pain, loneliness, stress, fear, needles, medicine, etc. was worth it because I could take my child’s
place. If he had been born at 28 weeks
he would’ve been in the hospital for months and months feeling scared and
lonely, being poked by needles, trying to grow and develop his little body into
what it needed to be. I had the
opportunity to lay in a hospital bed so my baby didn’t have to. Once I understood this blessing I was being
given it changed my whole perspective.
Instead of being upset that I had to spend another day in the hospital,
in a bed, away from my family I rejoiced that I was being given another day to
sacrifice my wants and desires for my sweet little baby. I knew he was worth it and I was so grateful
for my Heavenly Father for teaching me this lesson. I knew that the Savior has perfect love for
each of us because he made the ultimate sacrifice for us. You can’t help but love someone when you
sacrifice so much for them. I grew in
love for my baby every day because I was able to sacrifice so much for him.
Every day we
were told that I would most likely have the baby that day or the next. With faith and prayers and amazing medical
staff our sweet little boy was born at 33 weeks via c-section instead of 28
weeks. Neither Gideon or myself ever got
an infection! Doctors determined that
his growth wasn’t quite what they wanted so they decided it was time to deliver
him. He was only 3 pounds when he was
born, but he was healthy, breathing, and fighting from the beginning. He even cried in the delivery room! We felt our Father in Heaven’s hand in
everything that happened and feel so blessed that our sweet little baby was
able to stay inside his Mommy to develop and grow for 5 weeks longer than
anyone thought he could. My doctors
called myself and our little Gideon both miracles.
From the womb
Gideon has been a fighter. He is named
after two warriors for good from the Book of Mormon and the Bible. He fought to stay in Mommy, he fought to grow
strong and healthy in the hospital, and even got to go home 2 weeks before they
thought he’d be able to.
A week after Gideon was born my husband, Jeff, was let go from his job. You can imagine how hard losing a job is on a family, but especially when you have a baby in the NICU needing specialists and extra care all the time. We tried to find the positive in the situation and were grateful Jeff could now visit Gideon when he wanted and help with our other son so I could be at the hospital as much as possible.
Gideon spent the
next 5 ½ weeks in the expert care of the NICU at Timpanogos Hospital and was
under the constant supervision of angels. He fought every day to grow big and strong. There were ups and downs, but we were told
often how amazing our little Gideon was and what a blessing and miracle it was
that he made it to 33 weeks. All he
needed was a little extra time in the hospital to learn to eat, breathe, and
keep his body temperature normal. It was
extremely hard to leave him there each night in that little bed, only getting
to hold him for brief moments each day, and go home knowing my baby was in the
hospital without me. I would go to
church and see babies and my body would react and I would start crying because
I yearned to hold my baby. We spent
those 5 weeks driving to and from the hospital, celebrating the little
achievements, treasuring the precious moments we got to hold him or see his
eyes, trying to teach him how to eat, and cheering for every ounce he
gained.
We were blessed
with many little miracles and some very major miracles in the 11 weeks we spent
at the hospital.
The last miracle was
the day before Mother’s Day getting a call that told us we could finally get
Gideon and bring him home! I couldn’t
have ever asked for a better Mother’s Day present!
Gideon is now 6
months old and doing great! He continues
to grow and develop all the time and we continue to celebrate his many achievements. He is the sweetest baby with the sweetest
spirit. He seems to enjoy life and has
such a dear ready smile. Because he came
to us so early and had to go through so much in his little life we feel that he
was blessed to have more help from the other side than a normal baby. We love our Gideon and know he is special and
feel honored we were given the opportunity to raise him and know him.
Our journey was
very different than we expected it to be, but we wouldn’t give up our
experience for anything. We learned so
much during those trying months. We grew
in faith, strength, courage, resolve, trust, and love. Our family is so much stronger for getting
the opportunity to experience miracles first hand. When you sacrifice so much for someone you
grow in love for that person every day.
We have such a strong bond with our dear Gideon because of all the
sacrifices we were blessed to make for our child. We felt the power of all the
prayers offered for us and we can say without a doubt that we know prayers are
heard and answered! We know that our
journey was much easier than some and we pray for all those babies who are ever
in the NICU. We pray for their families
and for their tireless nurses and doctors.
You can get through this!
Miracles occur every day, God will not forsake you, and in the end you
will be stronger and more loving because of your experience. We know we’re not the only ones who have ever
been through this, but to us this experience was a MIRACLE.
*Make sure you check out our YouTube video we made to tell our whole story. You can find it under the Our YouTube Video tab at the top of the page or by clicking here.
